Blog Chat: Cultivating Self Love with Shan, The Free Gurl Club

Emelda De Coteau
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Emelda De Coteau

Mother, wife, sister, friend, writer / blogger / creative organizer, budding photographer... These are just a few of the many hats I juggle each day. I believe creativity is oxygen for the soul. I created Live In Color blog to celebrate the beauty in every moment, from faith to inspiration and motherhood.And it is soon becoming Pray with Our Feet blog which will focus on the intersection of faith and activism. Follow the inspiration on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/praywithourfeetblog/
Emelda De Coteau
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Shan & Emelda, Live In Color Blog, The Free Gurl Club

Every other month, Shan and I are going to dish all things inspiration in our  blog chats. 

This month seemed fitting to explore love, especially  self love, as we are often taught, particularly women, to love everyone but ourselves. 

Shan and I are both on paths of healing, love and discovery. We are seeking to honor the light within ourselves, and want those same feelings to manifest for everyone, especially women.

Shan is the creator of The Free Gurl Club, an awesome online space dedicated to empowering women. She hosts a weekly show on YouTube and shares life affirming daily affirmations via Instagram

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Listen to today’s blog chat on Soundcloud. Tomorrow we’ll share on YouTube.

Audio editing by Keystone Productions

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Check out our show notes (including 3 core ways to cultivate self love – listed below first), followed by links to books and other resources we mention: 

1. Make healing yourself (from wounds, past experiences, etc.) a priority! This could be tied to your faith (for me it’s inextricably linked) and include daily and / or frequent time alone (5-10 min.) for reflection. Even if you its initially one minute alone, begin there!  

2.  Post positive self affirmations around your home and work space, or even on your phone. Say them aloud throughout the day.  These may include statements like “I am beautiful. I am worth the life I seek. I am created in the image of God and my life matters. Abundance and joy are my birthrights.” 

Check out this powerful daily affirmation from The Free Gurl Club:

   

3.  Say NO to what drains and depletes you as these people, places and / or choices are creating feelings of being overwhelmed. 

When we are overwhelmed,  we often self medicate in unhealthy ways – excessive drinking, working long hours, overeating, etc. 

  

Further Reading:

Salvation: Black People and Love by bell hooks 

Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through by Iyanla Vanzant 

Imagine Being More Afraid of Freedom Than Slavery by Pamela Sneed 

Commanding Your Morning by Cindy Trimm

Adalmar Life by Nellie Russell (insightful blog) and piece on the importance of self care and healing. Nellie is one of my blogging besties!  

 

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightment by Eckhart Tolle  

The Audre Lorde quote I referenced on self care. You might also enjoy this blog post about Audre and her intellectual work.

    

5 Signs You’re Dating a Hater

Emelda De Coteau
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Emelda De Coteau

Mother, wife, sister, friend, writer / blogger / creative organizer, budding photographer... These are just a few of the many hats I juggle each day. I believe creativity is oxygen for the soul. I created Live In Color blog to celebrate the beauty in every moment, from faith to inspiration and motherhood.And it is soon becoming Pray with Our Feet blog which will focus on the intersection of faith and activism. Follow the inspiration on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/praywithourfeetblog/
Emelda De Coteau
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Bye_Hater_answer_3_xlarge

You have a gut feeling it’s true, but who wants to believe the person they’re dating, sleeping with or even are married to is jealous of them? In modern terminology we call this person, “a hater.” They hate on our positive qualities and revel in our downfalls. Unfortunately, many of us have made “sleeping with the enemy” a regular occurrence.

Answer the following questions to see if you might be dating a hater; then keep reading to find out the GREATER LIFE LESSON.

1. YES or NO

The person in question spends time finding faults and flaws in other people.

2.YES or NO

You are not comfortable being 100% yourself, 100% of the time.

3. YES or NO

The person in question criticizes or scrutinizes your creativity, even as subtly as raising an eyebrow.

4. YES or NO

You have to DIG for a compliment from him/her.

5. YES or NO

In arguments, the person intentionally tries to hurt your feelings.
If you answered YES to 2 or more of these questions, YOU ARE DATING A HATER. Keep reading to understand why.

We are blessed with relationships to show us parts of ourselves that should be praised and parts that need improvement. While the person you’re dating is dealing with jealousy, you are being shown your own true feelings of inadequacy.

It appears that the person is telling you, through subtle or not-so-subtle ways, that the true authentic you is not good enough. In reality, it is you, your own hardened ego telling the soft inner you that you are not enough.

So, BREAK UP WITH THE HATER, and create a clear boundary that no more negativity will be tolerated as of today.

And BE GRATEFUL for this person for he or she was sent to show you some truths about yourself. There is no need to be angry. Release all negative thoughts and feelings towards the other person. His or her words and actions may have been ugly but you are the one who is hurting you. Think of all the mean things you tell yourself (your nose is big, you ain’t cute enough, you don’t have enough talent). And stop that TODAY.

For when you know better, you do better.

Live in Color – Shannon