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To the Mom Hurting Now -It’s OK to Cry

02.29.2016 by Emelda De Coteau // 2 Comments

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Emelda De Coteau
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Emelda De Coteau

Mother, wife, sister, friend, writer / blogger / communications consultant, budding photographer... These are just a few of the many hats I juggle each day. I believe creativity is oxygen for the soul. I created Live In Color blog to celebrate the beauty in every moment, from faith to inspiration and motherhood.Follow the inspiration on Instagram: @liveincolorblog



Emelda De Coteau
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Latest posts by Emelda De Coteau (see all)

  • Why God’s Grace Changes Everything  - June 23, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer Christina of The Whole Cook - April 28, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer and Podcaster Tiffany T. Huff - April 21, 2017

 

Photo via website Unsplash

 

“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we are all in this together.” – Brene Brown

In this era of social media and photo editing, everyone’s life looks perfect, at least on the surface. We edit what the world sees. No one likes to admit when it’s all crumbling or there is struggle – kids behaving badly, spouses plucking our nerves, the fear which lives alongside regret.

Besides, some of us hop on Facebook and Instagram to forget or reinvent ourselves. The reality we construct online is more palatable than facing who we are, minus the filter.

Several years ago I spoke with a close friend who admitted to wrestling with postpartum depression. She didn’t want anyone to think less of her so she suffered alone. How many of us, I wonder, mask our sadness? Wouldn’t it be powerful if we allowed our pain to serve as a place of connection, not isolation?

As a child, I rarely saw my own mother cry. She appeared to me as a paragon of strength, always holding everything together. Only later, as I grew older, and our relationship matured, did her vulnerability emerge. Our deeper connection, particularly now that I am a Mom, has given me the courage to cry.

It is OK to cry. I remind myself of this often, particularly on those challenging days when I am swimming in anxiety, despair, or frustration.  It is OK to sit within these emotions, ingesting their weight, without wallowing in them or succumbing to self pity.

As Moms – especially  for African-American women – we are taught to embrace a certain toughness. Feminity remains inextricably linked to whiteness. Vulnerability feels like a luxury we cannot afford, but clinging to this “super woman mythology” deeply wounds us, burying our voices.

Years ago the poet Audre Lorde said: “Women of Color in America have grown up within a symphony of anger, at being silenced, at being unchosen, at knowing that when we survive it is in spite of a world that takes for granted our lack of humanness, and which hates our very existence outside its service. And I say symphony rather than cacophony , because we have had to learn to orchestrate those furies so they do not tear us apart.”

And, indeed, so many of us do, suffocated by long-exalted stereotypes and misperceptions.
But Mamas, as you read these words, hold fast to this truth: tears do not weaken us, they liberate us. We release what we can no longer carry. Releasing is an essential part of humanity; we cannot move into new seasons and places of development without it.

Today,  tomorrow, or the next day, if you feel the urge, go ahead and cry. It’s OK. I understand. Not one of us can navigate this parenthood path completely alone.

If we walk together, our sorrows, frustrations, and those moments of joy become the building blocks for a community of Mamas determined to embrace truth and love, not merely for themselves but generations to come.

🔽
Do you cry, or hold back your tears?  

How about sharing your frustrations or fears with other Moms? Does it help when you do? 

Categories // children, community, life, Motherhood & Family, parenting Tags // Brene Brown imperfections, community, Cynthia Occelli, hurt, it is okay to cry, liberation, mama power, mindfulness, moms of color, motherhood frustrations, motherhood monday, pain, poet Audre Lorde, reflection, release pain, social media and motherhood, strength, tears, to all the moms hurting, women are strong, women of color, women of color grown up within a symphony of anger, you are enough

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Emelda De Coteau
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Emelda De Coteau

Mother, wife, sister, friend, writer / blogger / communications consultant, budding photographer... These are just a few of the many hats I juggle each day. I believe creativity is oxygen for the soul. I created Live In Color blog to celebrate the beauty in every moment, from faith to inspiration and motherhood.Follow the inspiration on Instagram: @liveincolorblog



Emelda De Coteau
Follow Me:

Latest posts by Emelda De Coteau (see all)

  • Why God’s Grace Changes Everything  - June 23, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer Christina of The Whole Cook - April 28, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer and Podcaster Tiffany T. Huff - April 21, 2017

Ever since elementary school, I have stood up against any perceived injustice. Not on a picket line, more subtly I suppose, as my early protesting involved befriending kids others made fun of or ignored. On the weekends, Dad told my brother and I stories about his life, the years he spent in Hounduras before coming… [Continue Reading]

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Emelda De Coteau
Follow Me:

Emelda De Coteau

Mother, wife, sister, friend, writer / blogger / communications consultant, budding photographer... These are just a few of the many hats I juggle each day. I believe creativity is oxygen for the soul. I created Live In Color blog to celebrate the beauty in every moment, from faith to inspiration and motherhood.Follow the inspiration on Instagram: @liveincolorblog



Emelda De Coteau
Follow Me:

Latest posts by Emelda De Coteau (see all)

  • Why God’s Grace Changes Everything  - June 23, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer Christina of The Whole Cook - April 28, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer and Podcaster Tiffany T. Huff - April 21, 2017

I do not know about you all, but during the busyness of life, I forget a lot; the chaotic nature of days with a little one moves some chores further down the list. Let’s take watering plants – easily thrown into the nonessential pile. It’s why I can count the number we have sprinkled haphazardly… [Continue Reading]

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Emelda De Coteau
Follow Me:

Emelda De Coteau

Mother, wife, sister, friend, writer / blogger / communications consultant, budding photographer... These are just a few of the many hats I juggle each day. I believe creativity is oxygen for the soul. I created Live In Color blog to celebrate the beauty in every moment, from faith to inspiration and motherhood.Follow the inspiration on Instagram: @liveincolorblog



Emelda De Coteau
Follow Me:

Latest posts by Emelda De Coteau (see all)

  • Why God’s Grace Changes Everything  - June 23, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer Christina of The Whole Cook - April 28, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer and Podcaster Tiffany T. Huff - April 21, 2017

Americans like our leaders sanitized, captured in Pinterest quotes and witty tweets. We teach kids to swallow comfortable myths about historical figures, instead of thinking outside the box. But now in the age of Google, you and I can seek different narratives, rediscovering these men and women in the fullness of their humanity, not reduced… [Continue Reading]

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Emelda De Coteau
Follow Me:

Emelda De Coteau

Mother, wife, sister, friend, writer / blogger / communications consultant, budding photographer... These are just a few of the many hats I juggle each day. I believe creativity is oxygen for the soul. I created Live In Color blog to celebrate the beauty in every moment, from faith to inspiration and motherhood.Follow the inspiration on Instagram: @liveincolorblog



Emelda De Coteau
Follow Me:

Latest posts by Emelda De Coteau (see all)

  • Why God’s Grace Changes Everything  - June 23, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer Christina of The Whole Cook - April 28, 2017
  • Living by Faith (Blog Series): Writer and Podcaster Tiffany T. Huff - April 21, 2017

I fight sadness with busyness. There, I admitted it to you and myself. Somehow hurt seems to evaporate for me, even if only momentarily, under a mountain of to-do lists and phone alerts, that is until the pain catches up to me. And it always does… No one talks about rest. Everyone I know is… [Continue Reading]

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